Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
