you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
