I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He did a backflip because drugs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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