Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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