It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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