How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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