Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
