Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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