I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
