I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
