Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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