at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
