He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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