Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
