I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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