I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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