It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
