We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
