She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
