I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
