you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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