i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
