i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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