too bad you live with your parents still
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
be right there i have to get my cape
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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