I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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