I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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