Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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