no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
