You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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