She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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