dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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