you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
