Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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