my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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