its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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