So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
