Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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