we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
