he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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