did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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