finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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