You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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