i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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