Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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