paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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