could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
