highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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