I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
