Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
