on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
